Well its 12:20am and I've just had another battle with Ms Courtney over her medication. I finally lost it tonight. This every 4 hour - waking her up - to take stuff she hates - with all the insuing crying and drama has left me in a rather broken place. I've had 5 months with no more than 3 hours at a time of sleep and the last 7 nights with virtually no sleep whatsoever - and what that has created is an emotional basketcase who is wishing for all this to be over RIGHT NOW! I can't stop crying because it feels at this moment like this is never going to end..... I know that this is a culmination of hormones, no sleep and maybe even PrePartum depression but I just want to be an understanding, patient and caring mother and right now I am none of those.
Lord, give me the patience to be the support Courtney needs right now - to be loving and gentle and slow to anger and please grant me some desperatly needed sleep. I cannot continue in these circumstances on my own - for I am failing and making this a more tramatic experience for her. Please give me a giant dose of peace and grace and as I accept your help may it overflow to every tough interaction I have yet to come with her. Please bring healing to her body quickly and draw us both closer to you as we realize what little control we truly possess. Amen