Monday, August 9, 2010

So tired.....

Well its 12:20am and I've just had another battle with Ms Courtney over her medication.    I finally lost it tonight.  This every 4 hour - waking her up - to take stuff she hates - with all the insuing crying and drama has left me in a rather broken place.   I've had 5 months with no more than 3 hours at a time of sleep and the last 7 nights with virtually no sleep whatsoever - and what that has created is an emotional basketcase who is wishing for all this to be over RIGHT NOW!   I can't stop crying because it feels at this moment like this is never going to end.....     I know that this is a culmination of hormones, no sleep and maybe even PrePartum depression but I just want to be an understanding, patient and caring mother and right now I am none of those.

Lord, give me the patience to be the support Courtney needs right now - to be loving and gentle and slow to anger and please grant me some desperatly needed sleep.  I cannot continue in these circumstances on my own - for I am failing and making this a more tramatic experience for her.   Please give me a giant dose of peace and grace and as I accept your help may it overflow to every tough interaction I have yet to come with her.  Please bring healing to her body quickly and draw us both closer to you as we realize what little control we truly possess.   Amen

2 comments:

Christina said...

Oh Amy! I'm praying for you during this trial. I know this must be a difficult time and I pray that you will rest in Him and allow His Strength to pull you through.

Words/Wonder said...

Thinking of you & praying, Ame. I know it's super super stressful to have any kind of hospitalization/surgery with a kiddo. I will pray for patience & local helping hands to give you a break :)