Today was my first OB visit for this pregnancy. It was all the normal boring stuff and the fun of hearing the heartbeat for the first time. Somehow that tiny little 160 beats a minute heart makes this really horrible feeling stomach a little more worthwhile - and makes this crazy ride seem a bit more real.
Here's to feeling better sooner than later.....and a continued healthy pregnancy.
Friday, April 9, 2010
So February and March were very interesting months for me. I came home from Hawaii feeling a little more revived and came home from Florida really trying to grow my spiritual walk. It also happened to be a stretch of time where most of our friends husbands were getting their vasectomies. I'm sure if you are reading this, I have at some point told you I absolutely did not want any more children. I was afraid of Autism, afraid of more food allergies, afraid of being totally overwhelmed - not to mention I just plain old love my new found sleep too much. So Eric asked if he could go get the big "V" and I said not yet. Everytime he has asked I have said not yet - I just couldn't quite get myself to let him do it. Then I slowly started to desire a bigger family - not a baby per se - but I always envisioned having a bigger family. The last 7 years I have said I would need to hear an audible "YES" from God if he wanted me to have more children so I decided I would at least pray about it. I had last year repented of living in fear in this area of my life, but hadn't actually ever really considered having another baby.
So.... I prayed, and prayed some more, and prayed some more. And then I had a divine revelation. In praying and waiting, I was in some small way still selfishly controlling the situation. If I truly was willing to allow God to decide on the size of our family I should probably just try for a month and see what happens. Give him total control sine He is the one who starts life anyway. So we decided that we would try the month of March and if we concieved it would be a clear and consise answer from God that He did indeed want us to have a larger family. And if I didn't, I could have no regrets and know that I had given my complete faith and trust in this situation. So on March 23, 2010 - a positive pregnancy test revealed that the Skillestad family would be radically changing.
There are days that I am petrified and afraid and I have to say out loud "I trust you." until I feel His peace. And then there are days that I am so excited to meet our new child. So, the moral of the story is......never say never. And taking a step of faith and relying on God brings amazing peace despite the craziness of it all.