Thursday, November 5, 2009

Prayer and Petition

So I'm doing a book study at church again this year and this year's book is "Having a Mary heart in a Martha World." Oh so a book I need to be reading.

This weeks chapter was on worry. As I started the beginning of the chapter I figured "I so don't have a worry problem, this isn't me." But as I got deeper into the chapter it talked about fear playing a similar role. Fear is something I am very comfortable in...something I have lived in for the last 6 1/2 years. Every month, every day, sometimes even every hour is a guessing game with Andrew. What will help him today, what will set him off, when will this regression end or will he slip further into it. I'd like to think that I after all this time I have my act together - that I've learned to lean on my Savior instead of focus on the what'ifs or how'comes. But in truth, I haven't.

The book had some aha excerps for me today. "Jesus knew that a life filled with fear has little room left for faith. And whithout faith, we can niether please God nor draw close to him for the comfort and guidance we need to face the cares and affairs of everyday life." and "Worry....it is the view that God has somehow lost control of the situation and we cannot trust Him."

Both of these were instant underliners. I am tired of trying to fix him on my own, but feel if I ask God isn't going to fix him anyway so I might as well keep trying. I know in my head that if I just let go of the fixing and just put my faith in him, that He will give me the peace I long for and the ability to not fear the future with him or what he is going through.

So, this last exerpt is what I shall try to do. "When we decide to pray instead of worry-when we choose to have a grateful heart in not-so-great circumstances- then the peace of God comes and takes us into "protective custody". It stands guard at the door of our heart, transcending, surpassing, and confounding our own human understanding, bringing us peace."

I'm asking for prayer - that I can stop trying to fix - and allow God to bring me peace within the storm. And please continue to pray for Andrew - his Awana leader said he is a different kid this year and not in a good way....it is so hard to keep hearing and seeing his spiral downward. I want him better, but more so I want to have a better relationship with Christ so it doesn't matter what Andrew does or says or is....I can accept it because I am confident in my Savior and his ability to give me peace. I know I can get there....I know all I have to do is remember to ask.......

1 comment:

WoRds/WoNDer said...

I want all of this for you, Ame, so much! :)