I'm 1!

So as you may have guessed -- the theme for Tanner's 1st Birthday was a monkey theme.   I will be the first to admit I went a little overboard.   Ideas just kept popping into my head and I couldn't control myself.   Thank you to my dear sweet sister who helped me with the fondant for the cake.   Just the way you wanted to spend your Saturday morning Kater - rolling, and rerolling and rerolling and rerolling fondant :)    Despite our agony....I think it turned out pretty good.    Just thought I would post a few of the fun ideas I did for decorating.


Yellow napkins folded like bananas.



 

Tanner's first cake!



Oreos with chocolate coated centers
and candy bananas



Vines made of brown rolled paper with plush monkeys
from the dollar store hanging from them.



Their Smiles

One's smile shows pure joy
Usually basking in excitement
Contageous for sure
But rarely captured on film

One's smile shows pure beauty
Face glowing in perfect posing
Easy to capture its charm

One's smile shows pure love
You give one and one is returned
Not just on the lips
But the eyes give one too

I love my One's smiles

Homeschooling

So....again sorry for the long intermission.   Who knew having a baby was so exhausting and mentally draining.   Awwww I did, that's why I said no more children...he...he....     Good thing he's so stinkin cute!   Will post new photos soon.   Anyway, on to todays post.   So after a bad back to school night for Ms Courtney we decided rather suddenly and late for that matter - to homeschool her.   Now if you have ever been in our home during homework time - I'm sure you are saying to yourself   "They are going to rip each others hair out and  hate each other."   Yes, that thought crossed my mind.   However, I have been feeling prompted by the Lord that I need to strengthen my relationship with her and create a safer (emotionally) and more loving environment for her.   We don't have the best relationship.  I will be the first to admit that, but I don't want it to be that way.  Its not the way God intended us to be with each other, so through daily prayer and reliance on Him, I think this is going to be an amazing year for both of us.   A year we will forever remember as the start of a close and bonded relationship that we never had before.   I try not to blame the Autism for my lack of emotional closeness with the kids, but it is what it is.   I can no longer use that as an excuse when God has commanded us to let him have all our junk and to live and love as Christ did.   All this to say, yes, I recognize that the early road of this journey will undeniably challenging in many ways.  Our communication and reponses to one another will have to be changed - but this first two weeks have gone really really well. (Except one day - She didn't just wake up on the wrong side of the bed - she woke up on the wrong side of the moon)   She is excited to spend quality time with me - and I am excited to see her learning in an environment she is comfortable and doens't have anxiety.    Only time will tell how successful of a teacher I shall be, but I am already leaps and bounds ahead of what kind of a mother I was.  

Period.

So there is one (aside from the actual child) good thing about pregnancy - the long stretch without my monthly friend.   Not that anyone wants to read  that I suppose, but goes towards the rest of this post.   Our family has recently be reintroduced to PMS.   Uggg....I am not usually such an emotional mess - but PMS usually includes at least one good night of crying myself to sleep.

This time around I am struggling with fear again.   Tanner hasn't been having much eye contact with me and it finally got to me last night.   However, our sermon this morning was quite pertinent to my current state of mind - so - wait on the Lord and spend more time in his Word is what I must do.

Life Changes

OK - so going 3 months without an entry is pretty pathetic.   Though I will put the blame entirly on Tanner - that kid just can't figure out how to sleep through the night more than once a week.  The brain fog just hasn't lifted yet.   Anyway, I have some news to share.

I AM RETIRING!!!!!

You heard right - it has been a long time coming but I just couldn't quite get myself to let go of the job I have been doing for almost 17 years no matter how much I disliked it.   That's almost half my life!   I am excited to not have to worry about work and to just spend quality time with the kids for awhile and who knows what God has in store for me in the future.

We have the freedom now to follow where God would have us go without me feeling I am leaving Dad in a bad position.   He has given this his blessing and too recognizes that God likely has new things for me to pursue.   It has been a truly great ride (minus paying bills for the last 5 years).   I have seen God do some amazing things - and seen the kind of faith in my father that I wish for myself.   I will miss some aspects of working with my family - but I know this is the right road for me and am excitedly skipping along it.

FEAR

Fear, my head knows you don't belong here
As I wonder and watch for the unclear

Clouding my judgement and swirling up worry
My thoughts build and swell making me weary

Some days I win and you lose
Some days I give in and panic ensues
Will he or won't he, it shouldn't matter
But thoughts of repeating, another dream to shatter

That he is here at all does so amaze me
And I cherish this child and his every gaze at me
God created him in my womb and gave him breath in my room
So who am I to let this fear remain and consume

Lord take my album of memories and pain
Fill me, lead me, and may my strength in you remain
You know my weaknesses, worries and fears
But if I listen real close you are wispering "He is mine" in my ear

Family

So I haven't posted in ages.....Amanda....I appologize for thinking you were lazy after Asher was born and you didn't post anything for like 6 months...he...he...he...

I'm not sure so much that I don't have time.  I just think my brain is so mushy and disheveled I can't get anything written down in a cohesive manner.   

Here are some recent family photos.