OK - so going 3 months without an entry is pretty pathetic. Though I will put the blame entirly on Tanner - that kid just can't figure out how to sleep through the night more than once a week. The brain fog just hasn't lifted yet. Anyway, I have some news to share.
I AM RETIRING!!!!!
You heard right - it has been a long time coming but I just couldn't quite get myself to let go of the job I have been doing for almost 17 years no matter how much I disliked it. That's almost half my life! I am excited to not have to worry about work and to just spend quality time with the kids for awhile and who knows what God has in store for me in the future.
We have the freedom now to follow where God would have us go without me feeling I am leaving Dad in a bad position. He has given this his blessing and too recognizes that God likely has new things for me to pursue. It has been a truly great ride (minus paying bills for the last 5 years). I have seen God do some amazing things - and seen the kind of faith in my father that I wish for myself. I will miss some aspects of working with my family - but I know this is the right road for me and am excitedly skipping along it.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
FEAR
Fear, my head knows you don't belong here
As I wonder and watch for the unclear
Clouding my judgement and swirling up worry
My thoughts build and swell making me weary
Some days I win and you lose
Some days I give in and panic ensues
Will he or won't he, it shouldn't matter
But thoughts of repeating, another dream to shatter
That he is here at all does so amaze me
And I cherish this child and his every gaze at me
God created him in my womb and gave him breath in my room
So who am I to let this fear remain and consume
Lord take my album of memories and pain
Fill me, lead me, and may my strength in you remain
You know my weaknesses, worries and fears
But if I listen real close you are wispering "He is mine" in my ear
Fear, my head knows you don't belong here
As I wonder and watch for the unclear
Clouding my judgement and swirling up worry
My thoughts build and swell making me weary
Some days I win and you lose
Some days I give in and panic ensues
Will he or won't he, it shouldn't matter
But thoughts of repeating, another dream to shatter
That he is here at all does so amaze me
And I cherish this child and his every gaze at me
God created him in my womb and gave him breath in my room
So who am I to let this fear remain and consume
Lord take my album of memories and pain
Fill me, lead me, and may my strength in you remain
You know my weaknesses, worries and fears
But if I listen real close you are wispering "He is mine" in my ear
Family
So I haven't posted in ages.....Amanda....I appologize for thinking you were lazy after Asher was born and you didn't post anything for like 6 months...he...he...he...
I'm not sure so much that I don't have time. I just think my brain is so mushy and disheveled I can't get anything written down in a cohesive manner.
Here are some recent family photos.
I'm not sure so much that I don't have time. I just think my brain is so mushy and disheveled I can't get anything written down in a cohesive manner.
Here are some recent family photos.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Here's what I think about....
So last night.....after Tanner got up to eat at 3:30am.... I laid in bed for the next 2 hours thinking about all the things I needed to accomplish to make Courtney's Girl Scout talk nice. I was trying to figure out what to do for snack. I needed to incorporate saying "please pass the...." for an activity. So for the next 2 hours I couldn't sleep while my mind created the perfect breakfast cookies. I then spent 4 hours of my afternoon making these creations only to recieve an email saying that Girl Scouts was cancelled. No sleep, no nap, and no free time for eggs, toast and bacon. I am way to obsessive compulsive.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Prayers
Just asking for prayers reguarding the next steps in treatment for Andrew. We've pretty much put all his previous treatments (except the diet) on hold because I feel like we need to get some fresh perspective. There are a couple of options for us to embark on and I really would like to have God's leading. He knows far better than I what is causing Andrew's current regression and how to fix it.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Letters to God
We finished watching a movie tonight that we started on Sunday evening with the kids. It was called Letters To God and is based on a true story. By the time the movie was over both the kids were crying and asking us all kinds of questions. Both about the little boy in the movie and about death and heaven.
It really struck a cord with them and their walk with God and they both ran upstairs to write their own letter to God. What they wrote was so touching and beautiful to us as parents.
Courtney's Letter #1:
Dear God, Tell Tyler I hope he is OK. I love you very much. I'm not going to be afraid to die, I will be happy because I love you.
Courtney's Letter #2:
Dear God, Thank you for giving me life. I love every person on earth, especially mom, dad, and my baby brother and big brother. I love you very much. I hope you will forgive every sin I've made. I love the people in heaven and Jesus name we pray Amen.
Andrew's Letter:
Dear God, I love you very much. You are the best person. I miss Tanner when he is away. I love you God. Love Andrew
I am so encouraged by their faith - by the lessons they are learning and the steps they are taking to make their relationship with God personal and real. We will continue to urge them to write their letters to God - for it is really just a prayer and form of worship that they understand.
It really struck a cord with them and their walk with God and they both ran upstairs to write their own letter to God. What they wrote was so touching and beautiful to us as parents.
Courtney's Letter #1:
Dear God, Tell Tyler I hope he is OK. I love you very much. I'm not going to be afraid to die, I will be happy because I love you.
Courtney's Letter #2:
Dear God, Thank you for giving me life. I love every person on earth, especially mom, dad, and my baby brother and big brother. I love you very much. I hope you will forgive every sin I've made. I love the people in heaven and Jesus name we pray Amen.
Andrew's Letter:
Dear God, I love you very much. You are the best person. I miss Tanner when he is away. I love you God. Love Andrew
I am so encouraged by their faith - by the lessons they are learning and the steps they are taking to make their relationship with God personal and real. We will continue to urge them to write their letters to God - for it is really just a prayer and form of worship that they understand.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
2010
Wow, 2010 was a crazy year around the Skillestad house. I feel a bit like I got run over by something, but I recognize God's hand in our lives this year as well.
Most of it is still a bit surreal. I had been dead set against having any more children for a LONG time. So even though I was pregnant for 8 months, sometimes I look at Tanner and have to remind myself he is ours. His birth was also so tramatic and crazy that I look back at it like it was part of a TV show I saw. I guess that has something to do with birthing chemicals in my brain - so I won't look back with sheer terror. He is growing so quickly and is such a little blessing to our family. Courtney is an amazing big sister and he loves to be held by her! Andrew mainly loves to say "Hi Tanner" and rub his head - but I know he will be a great big brother to him.
We had a family of 6 move in for a couple months - not much to say except "yes" we are still friends with them and "yes" we are glad they are happily settled in their new home :)
The death of my grandma right before Christmas also doesn't seem real sometimes. Even though I was able to go to Florida to say goodbye before she passed, it was so unexpected and having had a baby only 6 weeks before I think I was still in a bit of a fog. I will miss her very much, but I know I will see her when I enter Heaven someday. My only wish was to have her see Tanner before she left us and a kind nurse broke the rules and let me bring him into the ICU for just a few minutes. He make a big squack and she opened her eyes real big and looked at us intently. Because she was intubated she couldn't talk and was too weak to move much - but I know she saw him even if she didn't recongnize us or know who he was. She spent alot of time praying for that little boy in his early life and I wanted so much for her to meet her 15th Great-Grandchild. Goodbye Grandma Fran - you will be missed - we love you.
Otherwise 2010 didn't have much else going on. Andrew is continuing to improve in the behavior department and we feel so blessed to have not had to deal with the abusive little boy that usually shows up after the start of school.
Well - time to get some sleep. A rare commodity for myself since I got pregnant.....but I know it will come. God Bless All and have a Blessed 2011!
Most of it is still a bit surreal. I had been dead set against having any more children for a LONG time. So even though I was pregnant for 8 months, sometimes I look at Tanner and have to remind myself he is ours. His birth was also so tramatic and crazy that I look back at it like it was part of a TV show I saw. I guess that has something to do with birthing chemicals in my brain - so I won't look back with sheer terror. He is growing so quickly and is such a little blessing to our family. Courtney is an amazing big sister and he loves to be held by her! Andrew mainly loves to say "Hi Tanner" and rub his head - but I know he will be a great big brother to him.
We had a family of 6 move in for a couple months - not much to say except "yes" we are still friends with them and "yes" we are glad they are happily settled in their new home :)
The death of my grandma right before Christmas also doesn't seem real sometimes. Even though I was able to go to Florida to say goodbye before she passed, it was so unexpected and having had a baby only 6 weeks before I think I was still in a bit of a fog. I will miss her very much, but I know I will see her when I enter Heaven someday. My only wish was to have her see Tanner before she left us and a kind nurse broke the rules and let me bring him into the ICU for just a few minutes. He make a big squack and she opened her eyes real big and looked at us intently. Because she was intubated she couldn't talk and was too weak to move much - but I know she saw him even if she didn't recongnize us or know who he was. She spent alot of time praying for that little boy in his early life and I wanted so much for her to meet her 15th Great-Grandchild. Goodbye Grandma Fran - you will be missed - we love you.
Otherwise 2010 didn't have much else going on. Andrew is continuing to improve in the behavior department and we feel so blessed to have not had to deal with the abusive little boy that usually shows up after the start of school.
Well - time to get some sleep. A rare commodity for myself since I got pregnant.....but I know it will come. God Bless All and have a Blessed 2011!
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