Awareness

I don't know who the author of this is - but I recieved it via email this morning. As a mother of a little boy fighting autism I am always looking for ways to "enlighten" the public and this is a great letter.

Inside The Mind Of A Child With Autism
Nobody can see my disability. I look just like every other kid-attractive, walking, making sounds. They can't see how my neurons are scrambled in my brain. They can't see the misconnections between the left and right brain. Nobody can see I have autism.Nobody can see that my body is sick. No one can see that my stomach is in knots from my digestive system not working. No one can that my body and mind are starving because my cells don't make the right enzymes to digest food. No one see that I suffer from low blood sugar because I can't properly metabolize nourishment.No one can see that my body is attacking its own nerve cells from auto-immune dysfunction. No one can see that mercury lead and arsenic cannot be excreted from my body, so it keeps building up in my brain. No one understands that my body cannot tolerate normal enjoyments for children, like bright, vivid colors and loud noises. I desperately want to be a kid and enjoy these things, but my body just won't let me.But everyone can see how inappropriate my behavior can be when I am out in public. Everyone can see how immature I can be compared to other kids my age. Everyone sees the 2-year old tantrums when things have been too overwhelming for me. Everyone sees my frustration from trying to cope.Everyone sees my screaming and fighting. Everyone just assumes I'm being bad, not that my body hurts, my eyes are in pain from colors, my ears ring with loud noises not heard by others.Everyone sees my tantrums when I don't get my way. No one sees that I can't explain my fear when I think I'm not being understood. Everyone may see my screams when my mom takes something away from me. No one can see that having something of comfort can keep my fears under control for me, and taking it away makes my nerves explodes in anxiety.No one understands how hard I have to work to keep my behaviors from reacting to the chemical imbalances in my body that makes me feel horrible. No one can see that, no matter how hard I try, sometimes I cannot control it. No one can see the shame I feel after I've had a meltdown from my body's problems.What they don't see I am a person. I have feelings and want to be loved and accepted like everyone else. What they don't see is that, when they look at me like I need a good spanking; I understand that I'm not capable of controlling my body.What they don't see is that I scream because I don't know how to say "HELP ME"What they don't see is that I hear every ugly word they say, but for the life of me, I can't make my mouth say what I'm feeling. But they don't see that as a disability. They say I am unmanageable. They say I am a problem.But I am not a problem. I HAVE AUTISM. My mom has taken me to more doctors and specialist than you can ever imagine. She's read more books and done more research on my disease than parents would ever want. She has tried special diet, supplements, drugs and various metabolic therapies. She has PRAYED for GUIDANCE and asked for discernment on how to help my body. And behaviors, OH YES, has she tried everything to help my behavior.Stop telling her all I need is a spanking. If spanking would stop all this, my mom would gladly exchange my disability for a spanking. She knows better than all of you what I need to help me, and what we both need is your understanding, not ignorance.I just want to be accepted and understood. Not blamed and ashamed, I want to be appreciated for my gifts. I do have some if you look more closely. I want to be cared for as a person. I want you to care, even when I act like I don't.I want to be respected, just like you do. I want you to respect my mom and dad for all the hard work they have done to help me try to lead a normal a life as possible. I want you to respect my family and all the struggles we have to endure because of our love for each other.I want to be LOVED like any other child. And need you to role model respectful behavior for me so I can be respectful too. I want you to love me just like God would.

First Day of School 2

Well Andrew officially moved on to 1st Grade yesterday. He was sooooo excited. He's been waiting for a long time to get out of Kindergarten and he couldn't wait. He really loves his new teacher, Mrs. Pickens, and is quite impressed that he gets to go to school all day. My little boy is getting so big and we are so proud of him. Though we still have many struggles and I know that he fights frustraitions being different and having to work so hard for the things that come so naturally to the rest of us...I am sure he will have a super year. Here is a picture of him looking like he doesn't want to go....but I think he just didn't want me taking even one more photo :)

We love you buddy and pray for an amazing and successful year in 1st Grade!

First Day of School

Today was Courtney's first day of Kindergarten! It was a day of mixed emotions for me. I am grateful to have the morning to myself - but....she is my baby and now she is in school. Andrew has been off to school since his 3rd birthday, somehow that just felt easier. Now I didn't cry, but was a little sad as I left the parking lot. She said she enjoyed herself, so here's to hoping she has a really great year this year.

The Last Hurrah!

This was the final weekend of the summer at the cabin, but one of the most beautiful of the summer. So it was fun to share with our pals the Selness family. Courtney, Andrew and Ella were apparently enjoying Grandma Kathy's cushion hauler! Though the cabin always seems to exhaust me by Sunday afternoon - the kids had so much fun and it is always more fun with friends. We took out the new boat (pontoon), relaxed in the hottub, and of course watched a little of the weather channel to keep up on Gustav.

Ella, Courtney and Britten

At least I think the girls are becoming fast friends - by the end of the weekend I think they were playing more like sisters :) but Courtney was so sad when they left on Sunday afternoon.

The cabin to us, is a place to relax (at least now that most the projects are done) and spend time with family and friends. It has been a fun and yet short summer for us. Dad and Eric above are showing the true loving and inspirational bond we all share while there :) Hope that you all enjoyed your labor day weekend as much as we did.

Embarassing Situations 2

Well - for most of you readers it will be no suprise that I am small chested. In order for me to create a little cleavage - and not be too uncomfortable while wearing a bra - I purchased something really cool. It is a bra that is actually made of silicon or something and the inside is sticky - like the lint rollers that you wash off and get sticky again.

Soooo....you stick them on and off you go. Well, Courtney, God Bless her - brought me my new favorite bra this weekend at the cabin. I had it sittin in the bedroom on a dresser. As she hands it to me she asks "What is this mommy". I say a bra and then look closer at my new-found over-the-shoulder-pebble-holder. To my amazment I see "TEETH MARKS". Courtney, did you bite this. "Yes" "Why would you do that" I respond. "I don't know, I didn't know what it was." she said. Uggg.....well I set it aside hoping it would go away. But to my dismay, it seems it is only more aparent that someone tried to eat my bra. So....the next time you see me....there may be teeth marks showing through my shirt. Guess that should get some good laughs :)

Grrr...

I'm so frustrated with my daughter but I thought I better write this one down quick.

Me - "Courtney, be quiet and get that shirt on or you are going to bed right now." Courtney - whining and sprawls herself out on the bedroom floor. Me - "Courtney, stop pitching a fit." Courtney - "I'm not pitching a fit....I'm protesting."

That is the honest truth....I don't even want to know where she came up with that one. So hard to remain mad when they are so clever :)

Not Playing Games....

Well I am in Portland this week visiting with a girlfriend and helping out with her kids while our husbands catch "The Big One" in Canada. So far it has been fairly uneventful....only minor fist fights and a few 'you stinky girl' comments from Andrew.

Tonight we've had a bit of a battle between the kids and I and what "go to bed" means. I keep explaining that it means close your eyes and be quiet or lose another fun thing to do tomorrow....and they keep wondering "hmmm, I wonder what she means by lose another fun thing." So they have found out on now three occasions what they have lost for their inability to simply be quiet. Swimming, Cinderella and treats have gone out the window so far. Then Courtney proceeded to start crying and whining about the fact she had lost Cinderella for tomorrow. "I'm not playing games with you anymore Courtney," I said as I grabbed a wooden spoon. She got her spank'n, we had our talk about why it hurts Jesus when she disobeys mommy and then she asked me this deep question....

"Why won't you play games with me anymore mommy?" I had to hold myself together until I could answer her without hurting her feelings. I'm not playing the "I have to go potty, I'm thirsty, I want you to pray with me, I need a hug, I'm hot or the what are we going to do tomorrow thing anymore. That is a game you play at bedtime." I think she got it, but I will have to play Memory or Candyland with her tomorrow just to be sure.