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Well it has been 5 weeks with give or take 4 hours of sleep a night and I think exhaustion is setting in.   I hate getting out of bed and have so much work to do.  Work work...house work....kids home work....you name it and I'm behind on it.   Oh well, I guess that is why most people take 6 weeks maternity leave.   Things have been a bit crazy around here - all 5 of us now have a cold.  At least its not the flu I guess.   I spent the last 15 mintues reading all of last month's blog posts and they were just the thing I needed to remind me not to worry so much about Tanner.   I can't change the fact he has a cold, and I needed to remember that God certainly has a purpose on this earth for him and that He will take care of him.   Far better care than I could ever give.  

 I also realized that somewhere along this Autism journey with Andrew..... likely during the first 3 years when I shut down in every way except what I needed to survive.....I have become very matter of fact and have little emotion or attachment to things.    I can't really explain it - but I recognized in Eric's birth story post how much more he wrote, how much more he expressed about how he felt and handled the situation.   I mostly stated facts and outcomes.   I don't think I have always been this way, but I always feel the need to be in control - of my actions, emotions and surroundings.   I know, I sound like a control freak and maybe in some way I am - but both Eric and I are also super spontaneous and I don't care if I always get my way. Maybe I just want to control what others think of me.   I don't let others see whats going on on the inside.  I do have an image to uphold you know - from childhood I have been the responsible one and I don't do things I don't/can't do well.    I suppose a counselor would have some answers in this department - but who has time for that.   Well enough introspection for one night.  Tanner is sleeping now and so must I.  

Prayers for 5 cold free Skills would be appreciated.

1 Month Old

Well last Thursday was Tanner's one month visit and the unfortunate experience of being circumsized.    He has gained 2 lbs and has finally seen a slight reduction in biliruben so we have been cleared to keep him off the lights.    I am exhausted - but love to sit and look at his beautiful face during the day :)    It is finally sinking in that I have another baby....after having decided long ago that we were done, it still wasn't quite reality even being pregnant.   Now that I am up all night and feel like a milk cow - it ha finally set in!

The other kids are loving on him and always wanting to hold him.   Hopefully they feel as joyous about his joining the family after he starts to talk and take away their things :)   Anyway, here are a couple 1 month photos as well as one of all three kids....Tanner is definatly a Skillestad and fits right in.   I am excited to see what is in store for our new little man.   Crazy....there are 5 of us!