Trust

This week has been a tough one.   I am starting to feel the effects of hormone changes and emotional mood swings.  It's amazing how easy it is to worry about this teeny tiny life that has recently come to be.   I was afraid during my pregnancy that if it was a boy I would be constantly worried about his developing Autism at some point.   Not that it hasn't crossed my mind - but I actually feel quite at peace about that for now.  However, on Monday we took Courtney with to the Dr and had her tested for Whooping Cough since she had a nasty cough and we had been keeping her away from Tanner.   Well her test came back positive on Wednesday.   I'm not at all concerned about her well-being, she is fine but for a cough,  but infants that catch whooping cough almost always end up hospitalized.  Now I was worried.  "Lord, we just got home - we just got him recovered from his jaundice and now this."   Eric was quick to remind me that obviously God has a purpose for him here - he is alive and with us despite his rough beginning.  And that He would take care of him.    I kept thinking, "That is easy for you to say - you don't have these crazy hormones running through your body.  You don't have him literally attached to you 8 to 10 times a day."    All I could think to myself was that if something should have happen to him, I could have handled it at birth.  But now I am attached, and I can't imagine our lives without him.  

Courtney has had a mask on since we arrived home from the hospital and will finish her antibiotic treatment tomorrow making her not contagious anymore - and all 5 of us are required to go on them so as to eliminate it before it can take effect if we had been exposed and Tanner and I have been in quarantine in the bedroom.  I am doing my best not to fear, not to worry, to trust Him to take care of our baby.   Some times are better than others - since the very beginning of this pregnancy I have been having to repeat "I trust You, I trust You" over and over to remind myself that I am not in control and that I need to let God have control.

So....tonight I ask for a few prayers.  One for Tanner to remain whooping cough free - and two that I will put my total trust in the One who made him.   That I will not worry or live in fear - but do the best I can to keep him safe and then keep repeating "I trust You, I trust You".