Memories....

 Well Friday I will be 32 Weeks and 6 Days.   That was the amount of time Andrew spent in the womb.   I remember that day being so petrifiying and so exciting at the same time.   We were soooo excited for our first child, but I was totally unprepared for such an early arrival.  

Our birthing classes were the next day, I had to take an ambulance to another hospital, and I wasn't even sure if what I felt was my water breaking or not.    In some ways it feels like it was just a couple years ago.....but almost 10 years have gone by.   He is such a special kid.   Sometimes its tempting to wish for no Autism, who am I kidding, I've cried for no Autism on multiple occasions.   But there are times that I am grateful and I know there will continue to be times of both difficulty and joy related to this disability.

I have a feeling with this new baby many tucked away memories will return.....some I will be grateful for and some I'm sure I would rather not remember.    Courtney's infant/toddler years were an especially difficult time for me.   Andrew was at a really hard stage - the things we went through those two years have mostly been tucked away hopefully never to be thought of again, but I feel like I tucked away her infantcy and toddler years along with all the pain.   Only God knows why his plan was for us to have another child, but I look forward to meeting him/her and I look forward to being more emotionally available this time around.   Who knew being a parent was so difficult.....our parents I suppose.   Though even they forget the hard parts and think we were wonderful by the time we have kids!