Welcome 2010

Well we started 2010 with a bang.....well more like Andrew did. We had our first physical tantrum since last winter. I guess I will never get used to the "I'm going to kill Mom" or "I hate my parents" statements, and was hoping to never again experience the biting, spitting and kicking but I guess it goes with the teritorry.

Andrew hasn't had a filter on his mouth for quite some time - saying mean and hurtful - hateful things, and when its time for discipline- the physical aspect enters the picture. Maybe we have been ignoring the "speech" in order to protect ourselves from the abuse, but I have to beleive it is not helping him to let him talk that way just to avoid conflict. IE...he can't say he wants to kill me because he doesn't want to eat his chicken nuggets.

I've already had a hard week revolving around this "autism" . My Grandmother's 90th birthday party is tomorrow and I was looking through all our old photos to find some of her with the kids. Looking through Andrew's first 18 month's of life while I am PMS'ing is never a smart thing to do. Memories of the normal, adorable, loving, amazing gaze into mommy's eyes little boy makes these times so much more difficult. I try not to wish things were different, to accept what God has given us, but i will be the first to admit it rarely goes that way. I'm certain there is some truth revealing epiphony I should be taking from all this......but feeling somewhat depressed, overwhelmed and needing a quiet MOMMY vacation has left me just sinking more into self pity. I know, such a depressing entry. If only my head would remind my heart that this is not my home and that someday my little boy will have a perfect body and perfect mind.....